Eragon Play
by para-bellum
Summary: Uhm...really random thing...that I created...SPAM! Just read it and let me know whether you suffered or not. New chapters coming soon.
1. Chapter 1

Murtagh: Yo Eragon! You want to go to the mall?

Eragon: but… I thought you were my worst enemy and you hated my guts…

Murtagh: what?

Eragon: nevermind… yeah sure…

Murtagh: coolio… ttyl…

Eragon: bai!

Murtagh leaves and Arya walks in

Arya: hey! Eragon! Can I come with you and Murt-

Arya gets cut off as Eragon tackles her.

Arya: maybe this wasn't the best idea…

Eragon: of course you can come!, my love my sweetlings-etc. stupid C.P. made me like this freaking elf!

Arya: Harunph! Well excuse me! It's not like I like you either! You are nothing but a filthy, rotten-

Eragon: oh no you didn't!

Arya and Eragon start to fight as Murtagh comes in with a bowl of popcorn.

Murtagh: This is rather entertaining….I wonder where Thorn is?

Meanwhile, Thorn and Saphira are trying to-

Eragon: Arya SUCKS!

Thorn and Saphira are trying to do-

Arya: ERAGON"S A SLUT!

Eragon: Excuse me? stops in the middle of trying to slit Arya's throat with a piece of cardboard

Arya: WHAT? There can be guy sluts. Did you know that? Hah, I bet you didn't!

Eragon: No! I knew that, but I bet you don't-

SHUT UP!

Arya and Eragon look up at the sky, wondering were the loud voice came from but falling silent

Thanks. As I was SAYING, Thorn and Saphira were attempting to grocery shop. All they really got was a bunch of raw meat, but they were considerate enough to get a rotting, stinking shriveled up eggplant for Arya and Eragon to share, and some spam for Murtagh.

And, moving on, to lunch.

Arya: Ewwww….you call this food? wrinkles her nose at the eggplant I want some REAL SOYBEANS!! goes into a protein-deficient spaz attack O-OO AH-AH! hangs off a the refrigerator

Murtagh: backs away slowly All right there, Arya. Just come nice and slowly and nobody gets hurt…

Eragon: runs as fast as he can to fetch Arya some soy milk Here…you…go…pants in between words

Arya: savagely gulps down the whole gallon, letting it spill down her chin UHAIGHHH! snaps out of the spaz attack Hey! Why am I hanging off a fridge? And why…WHY IS THERE SOY MILK ALL OVER ME?! ERAGONNNNNNNNNNN!!!

Eragon: Uh…ohhhh….Well, bye Murry, I need to run for my life now. bolts off with Arya fast on his heels

Murtagh: Okay, I'm just going to kick back and enjoy my spam. demolishes the spam YUM! pulls out a box of waffles I've been saving these…stuffs the whole box in his mouth, cardboard and all Wwhoishlt! Yhmfghkjks! Uhslkkisa! swallows Mmmm……There's nothing like soggy waffle cardboard to wake you up in the afternoon!!


	2. Chapter 2

Eragon Play

Chapter two

Hmm...let's see. Where did we leave off? Oh yes! With Murtagh, and spam.

Arya: trots back from her long chase of Eragon Why, hello Murtagh! I assume you enjoyed your waffles?

Murtagh: eyes Arya warily How did you know about the waffles? Are you a mindreader? DO YOU HAVE A MIND SCANNER???!!

Eragon: sneaks into the room

Arya: MURTAGH! slaps him SHUT UP!

Murtagh: cradles one side of his face Owie, owie, owie...

Eragon: giggles in a girlish way HEHEH!

Arya: glares at Eragon runs up to him and kisses him YOU SHUT UP TOO!

Eragon: falls over, twitching Contaminated...cooties...GAH I'M GONNA DIIIEEEEE wails like a five year old

Murtagh: Heh...that's pretty funny...ARYA ARE YOU SCANNING MY THOUGHTS??!

Thorn & Saphira: were sitting here watching the WHOLE thing

Saphira: Hohum...looks around blankly shuffles over to Arya reaches into her pocket...

the whole scence grinds to a halt as the royal and great writer C.P. opposes my wise decision

C.P.: WAIT, WAIT! Dragons don't have pockets!

Now they do.

C.P.: No, they don't. I didn't write them that way.

That's too bad.

C.P.: You know I have a copyright on this?

Welcome to the world of FANFICTION

C.P.: What the fuc- I clap a hand over his mouth

Nu-uh. This is K rated for a reason. I don't want you bringing my rating up.

C.P.: God! Fine do whatever you want. It's not like anyone's actually going to read this...rolls his eyes

You'd be surprised.

C.P.: walks away

OKAY! claps hands

the scene continues

Saphira: reaches into her pocket and pulls out an IPHONE! shoves it in Arya's face

Arya: SHINY! lunges for the Iphone

Thorn: HEY THAT'S MINE! lunges for Arya

huge scuffle breaks out as Arya, Saphira, and Thorn wrestle for the Iphone

Eragon & Murtagh: Cool...

Solembum runs in trailed by Angela Solembum has some mushrooms in his mouth

Angela: NO! BAD SOLEMBUM!

Solembum: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA-Guah! chokes on the mushroom falls over and dies

Eragon: Oh my!

Murtagh: Holy Schnitzel!

Angela: God Damn Cat!

GAH!

I chuck Angela out the window THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR CURSING...

I sigh Oh well, I guess I'll have to raise the rating to K+...

Eragon: watches Angela fall, and fall, and fall, and fall, and fall, and fall, and fall this continues for several hours Angela hits the ground and creates a mushroom cloud explosion Wicked...

Murtagh: is weeping by the makeshift grave for Solembum WHY? HE WAS SO YOUNG! HE HAD SO MUCH LIFE LEFT TO LIVE!

the fight in one corner has ended, Arya has the Iphone

Arya: CH-YEAH! flexes her bicep Arnold Swartzineger voice My guns are too big for you!

Everyone else in the room: ...

Arya: What? How many other people do you know that can take on two dragons and live??

Everyone else in the room: ...

Thorn: coughs for several minutes and then produces a wet slimy ball made of scales Heh, sorry. Scaleball!

Eragon: is staring at the Scaleball LET'S PLAY WITH IT! picks it up and chucks it at Murtagh's head

Murtagh: it hits him in the head OW YOU BLOODY IDIOT!

I sigh yet again

Next Chapter maybe they'll get to the mall...which was their original goal.

Ah, well.


End file.
